Everyone loves a wedding, or acts like they do
With the month of May coming to a close and spring bursting forth in our front yard at all locations, except for the dead pine tree by the driveway and whatever was killed off by last night’s frost, this year’s wedding season has begun in earnest. For some, it is a time of joy and celebration and frantic scrambling to finish preparations in time that will hopefully not mar existing relationships beyond repair; for others, a chance to reflect or reminisce or dream of one’s chance to be the centre of attention; and for a significant but silent and sulking minority, another callous reminder of one’s unshared and unloved existence, plus excuse to consume a bucket of Breyer’s in the dark and alone while watching Seinfeld reruns. (If you count yourself in the third category, don’t fret! There’s a 9 in 10 chance that your time just hasn’t come yet. The other 10% of you are either purposefully single or refuse to acknowledge your own abrasive personality.)
Now in the off-chance that any of my regular readers (either of you) are asked to perform a role in a wedding that requires giving a speech, you can find scads of wedding-related speechwriting tips elsewhere on the net which I won’t bother repeating here. Instead, I’m posting the first and likely only best man speech I wrote/will write, which I delivered at Ben and Heather’s wedding last June. I was concise, non-embarrassing, and went easy on the inside jokes. I may even have gotten a few laughs.
Heather, I just want to say, you look great today. And Ben… well, we tried, dude.
Well, what can I say about a man who’s survived growing up as the only boy in a harsh suburban environment, who’s pulled himself up by his own bootstraps and transformed himself from a geeky kid to the model man you see before you today? But enough about me.
For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Eric, and Ben and I have known each other since high school. We had a few things in common that helped us initially get along, such as similar tastes in music, wacky senses of humour, interests in computers and household explosives, and experience with explaining how we managed to remain relatively sane growing up with only sisters. But what made us good friends was the ways in which we’d seem to complement each other. Ben would have all these crazy short film ideas, and I’d be the one figuring out how to make them happen. I wanted to join a band when I came to college, but it was Ben who knew practically all of RBC who got me into one. And so, these past few years have been filled with the kind of good times that we can recall over and over again, and still laugh about, every time.
I still distinctly remember the first time I met Heather, a few years ago on the evening of our first band practice. She was sitting outside on the deck of her house, talking on the phone, in a black shirt with purple hair. Of course, she’s really changed since then—her hair is blue now. As time went by and Ben and Heather’s friendship grew, it became clear to the rest of us: they were perfect for each other! What’s interesting is that they themselves were the last to realize this.
Now there are a lot of jokes around here about people who come to college just to find a spouse—girls getting their MRS degree, Reformed Bridal College, the “Senior Scramble”, and all that. I knew Ben had no intention of playing those games the day he said to me, “Dude, after being at RBC for two weeks, I knew I wasn’t going to be dating any of the girls there.” But as we all know, God has a funny way of working in ways we don’t anticipate, which has led to us gathering here to celebrate today.
To Heather’s parents, I can’t thank you enough for hosting and being supportive of these two from the start. I’d also like to thank you for allowing us to have band practices in your basement, especially since we probably weren’t always pleasant to listen to. To Ben’s parents, after being friends with them for this long I can assure you that I have complete confidence in these two, and I’m sure you’ll see this marriage not so much as losing a son, but as gaining a spare room.
I’ve been told before, “If you have ONE good friend, that’s reason enough to be thankful.” Me, I have two. Where some might see two typical countercultural punks, I see two of the wisest, most realistic, and most forward-thinking young adults I know. I’ve found their relationship inspiring, and I won’t settle for anything less for myself. And so I’d like to raise a toast to Ben and Heather, two of the best bandmates and friends anyone could ask for, wishing you God’s blessings as you begin living life together.
